(Editor's note: Back when Tom Pfeifer was required to read five-plus newspapers a day for his day job, for amusement he compiled news reports from which he could thread a theme and emailed his Initial Thoughts to family and friends. While he works on other projects, he is regurgitating some of them here. We hope you enjoy.)
© 2007 Tom Pfeifer
Current as of March 31, 2007
At the dawn of creation, or at least the part of creation that really counts, Eve presented Adam an apple in the Garden of Eden, thereby sealing women’s fate as the conniving tool of Satan. An apple that day made women second-class citizens for eternity in the eyes of God, a role women have been trying to allay ever since.
Millennia passed. Gods were born and died
and born again. Then, at the dawn of
American democracy, Abigail Adams, a
distant relative of the first Adam’s family,
took on the mantle of female rights,
conveniently ignoring the Declaration of
Independence’s clearly stated truth that
“all men are created equal.” As John and his
fellow freedom-loving men worked
feverishly to create a stable government,
Abigail prodded her husband to “remember
the ladies, and be more favorable to them
than your ancestors. Do not put such
unlimited power into the hands of husbands.”
John, being a descendant of the purity of Puritanism and well aware of Satan’s hold on the female psyche, rightfully was not moved. “I cannot but laugh,” he responded, thereby guaranteeing himself a place among our most revered Founding Fathers.
Centuries passed. Then a new dawn brightened America with the bra-burning era of the early ‘70s. This delighted all men who were wondering why boobies couldn’t be free just because women were enslaved. But it distracted them as well. That most likely was the plan.
Mesmerized by the bouncing boobies, Congress in 1972 (which was dominated 520-15 by men then) passed the Equal Rights Amendment. Satan came close to gaining the upper hand, but, with only three states still needed to ratify the radical female agenda, providence stepped in during the early ‘80s and stalled the movement. The ERA was dead. The only downside was women retaliated by putting their bras back on.
Men and God won the battle, but Satan and women continued to wage the war. By 2006, a record 85 women were serving in Congress. Earlier this year, the House of Representatives elected its first female Speaker, third in line to the presidency. Odds-makers give Hillary Clinton a good chance of winning the presidency outright next year. Rudy Giuliani declared Clinton-style that his wife would have a role in Cabinet meetings should he be elected president.
And this week the ERA was reintroduced, now blatantly called the Women’s Equality Amendment.
Today’s women are increasingly bringing home the bacon, emasculating their partners like a black widow spider. More than 25% of wives now earn more than their husbands, up from less than 18% 20 years ago. College-educated women have seen their salaries rise nearly 35% since 1979, while salaries for college-educated men have gone up just a bit more than 20%. Women who work for female managers have erased the so-called “gender gap,” but men who work for women earn less. Fifty-eight percent of today’s college students are women. They get better grades and graduate quicker. Can Armageddon be far behind?
But even those signs are blindingly clear compared to the covert battle women are fighting quietly with their bodies. Thankfully, some enlightened men in the journalistic field are figuring this out. Los Angeles Times Staff Writer Thomas H. Maugh II reported on one insidious female tactic this week, that women are eating beef, lots of beef, during pregnancy. Doing so apparently has no effect of female offspring, but it lowers their sons’ sperm count by 25% and triples their chances of having fertility problems. Porsche, by the way, is very interested in this study.
There also may be a reason why women do better than men in college these days. Women who eat more fish when they’re pregnant produce children with higher IQs. Are women intentionally avoiding seafood when carrying a boy?
Women are clearly on the move. Should they gain power, Satan wins. So do the terrorists. And Johnny Appleseed.
Amer, Mildred L. Specialist in American National Government, Government and Finance Division. “Women in the United States Congress: 1917-2006.” Congressional Research Service. Library of Congress. Updated 29 November 2006. http://www.senate.gov/reference/resources/pdf/RL30261.pdf
Eilperin, Juliet. Washington Post Staff Writer. “New Drive Afoot to Pass Equal Rights Amendment.” Washington Post. 28 March. 2007. Page A01. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/27/AR2007032702357.html
Lewin, Tamar. “The New Gender Divide.” New York Times. 9 July 2006. http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/09/education/09college.html
Maugh II, Thomas H. Times Staff Writer. “Mom’s beef puts son’s sperm count at stake.” Los Angeles Times. 28 March 2007. http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection/la-sci-sperm28mar28,1,124530.story?coll=la-news-a_section
McCullough, David. John Adams. Simon & Schuster. New York, New York. 2001. Pages 104-105.
Pérez-Peña, Richard. “In His White House, Giuliani Says, His Wife Might Have a Very Visible Role as Adviser.” New York Times. 30 March 2007. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/30/us/politics/30judy.html
Selvin, Molly. Times Staff Writer. “She earns more, and that’s OK.” Los Angeles Times. 4 February 2007. http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/front/la-fi-wives4feb04,1,6061894.story?coll=la-headlines-frontpage
Squires, Sally. Washington Post Staff Writer. “Fish in Mother’s Diet Benefits Child, Study Finds.” Washington Post. 16 February 2007. Page A03. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/15/AR2007021501515.html
Vedantam, Shankar. Washington Post Staff Writer. “Women in Top Ranks Pull Up the Pay of Others.” Washington Post. 13 August 2006. Page A08. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/12/AR2006081200858.html
(Editor's note: No one should go hungry during these trying times. If you have the means, please donate to your local food bank. Even a dollar goes a long way. Simply search "food banks near me" to find one. If you're in need, please contact them for help.)
Tom Pfeifer is president and CEO of Consistent Voice Communications and author of Write It, Speak It: Writing a Speech They’ll APPLAUD! Reach him at Tom@YourConsistentVoice.com.
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