Initial Thoughts: Cashing In on a Love ChildJune 2, 2020 I’m the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. Both of them, actually. The live one and the dead one. Let there be no mistake: The old man’s money is mine. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. It’s possible I fathered Daniel, but I’ve had a vasectomy since then, making it impossible to father Dannielynn. But you don’t know. | |
Initial Thoughts: Blaming It All on Newton’s Third LawMay 25, 2020 Having iron eyes, of course, Iron Eyes Cody’s tears contained rust, itself a pollutant. His tears soaked into Mother Earth and infected her chosen people. That is why Colorado’s Southern Ute tribe now operates 400 natural gas wells on its reservation and has interests in 1,000 wells, making it the nation’s 13th largest privately held energy producer. | One Space End of the LineApril 13, 2020 The only time we needed two spaces after a period was when we were beholden to typewriters. Before typewriters, one space after a period. After typewriters, one space after a period. Sing after me. |
Relearning to Use a ThermometerMarch 30, 2020 Until COVID-19 became a concern, I can’t remember the last time I took my temperature. One day, I noticed a thermometer in the medicine cabinet. Curious, I soaked it in alcohol and took my temperature. I figured if I saw it spike, I would seek immediate medical attention. If not, I would go about my day knowing I had cheated death for at least another 24 hours. | Potatoes Feed My Crises with ComfortMarch 23, 2020 Ever since I can remember, potatoes have been a staple. My mom would skin and boil russet potatoes, then mash them—heavy on the butter and salt, light on the pepper and milk. Much Irish blood coursed through our veins, so it was to be expected. |
COVID-19: What Would Isaac Newton Do?March 16, 2020 Now that the novel coronavirus has created a new round of self-isolation and social distancing, why not follow Isaac Newton’s lead? What have you always said you’d do if you had the time? Paint your masterpiece? Write a TED talk? Write a book? | Has the Time Come to Make English Phonetic?Oct. 22, 2019 Should English be phonetic? (If it was, “phonetic” would be spelled “fonetik.”) Benjamin Franklin and Noah Webster certainly thought so. Noah Webster, “America’s schoolteacher,” is the father of the American English dictionary and the American copyright law. Franklin, of course, is the father of everything else. If these two giants of American history couldn’t do it, could it be done? Possibly. |
Join Your Chamber to Make Your Community StrongerAug. 6, 2019 A chamber’s function is to promote the business community within the community as a whole. Its mission is to raise the tide, so all boats rise. It’s to keep track of legislation at the local, state, and federal level and to take a stand on issues that affect the business community. It’s to support our non-profit businesses that take care of the less fortunate among us, so our community as a whole is stronger. It’s to attract new businesses that fit within our community and bring good-paying jobs. | Greedy, Lazy, and Snobbish: How Not to Create a LanguageJuly 17, 2019 At my annual Fourth of July Barbecue & Blow Things Up party, my friend Prashant, who originally hails from India, asked, “Why are there three pronunciations for the letter ‘a’ in English?” |
“Keep Writing Until They’re Good”July 3, 2019 There are no shortcuts to writing a great novel, a great history book, or a great song. I found yet another example of that truism in the 2013 documentary History of the Eagles. | Since We Last Spoke …May 31, 2019 You may have been wondering what happened to me. When I posted my last newsletter, my wife’s health had deteriorated to the point that she needed constant care. That newsletter was posted on Cathy’s 64th birthday, and I fully expected I would care for her for months to come. She passed away six days later. |
If You Don’t Read, Don’t WriteJan. 2, 2019 Find the writers who keep you intrigued—the Twains, the McCulloughs, and the Websters. Allow them to increase your vocabulary, improve your structure, and most importantly, to inspire you to stand on their shoulders and to share with you their tools to perfect your writing. | Save Posterior Damage: Make a Dictionary Your FriendDec. 12, 2018 I had, of course, heard of a dictionary. But at the time, I just didn’t think it to be particularly important. But I was the odd man out—a phonetic speller in a non-phonetic world. Noah Webster, father of the American English Dictionary, and Benjamin Franklin, father of just about everything else, attempted to create a phonetic American English. They failed, so we’re stuck with what we have. |
But I Don’t Have Time to Write ConsistentlyDec. 5, 2018 | Write What You (Don’t) KnowNov. 27, 2018 I write about topics I know little about but spark my curiosity. I research and write up my research. I become stuck and research some more. |
Don’t Sacrifice the Druids for Halloween LoreOct. 31, 2018 Family lore says that when daughter Clare was a wee lass she opened the door to some religious proselytizers and declared: “We’re Druids but we’re reformed.” Asked what that means, she said, “We don’t practice human sacrifice anymore.” She then closed the door forever on their souls. Family lore doesn’t tell us what time of year this occurred, but let’s pretend it was in the fall to make it a solid Halloween story. Because Druids are instrumental in Halloween tradition. | Eyes Engage Speaker and AudienceOct. 25, 2018 Once a speaker has an audience engaged, you must keep them engaged. One of the primary ways to do that is through eye contact. There’s a psychological basis for that. Your eyes, after all, are the windows to your soul. And, you want your soul to be believable, don’t you? |
The Case for Fonetik (Phonetic) SpellingOct. 17, 2018 Phonetic spelling is something everyone can get behind. Supporters and critics of public education would find phonetic reforms pleasing. Believers in liberal immigration policies would support anything to make it easier for the foreign-born to succeed. And, America First proponents would love a superior American English. | Babel Alive and Well in AIJuly 21, 2018 Fast-forward 236 years and the correct American pronunciation is the American Northwest—at least as it concerns artificial intelligence (AI). The Washington Post describes a study the paper commissioned on Amazon’s Alexa and Google’s Home. They found people with even slight foreign accents and Southern drawls frequently could not communicate with the devices. |
Take a Few Steps and Change Your PerspectiveJuly 13, 2018 Changing your perspective by moving a few feet in any direction, or up and down, is something drilled into me by John Grzywacz-Gray during my college photo class days. If you don’t like the lighting, wait a few minutes. If you don’t like the outline, move until the photo works. | Throw Rug Provides Top EntertainmentJuly 4, 2018 |
Nobody Does Satan Better than Donald TrumpJune 26, 2018 | Celebrating a Grand American TraditionMay 31, 2018 While it’s stylish to idolize the U.S. Constitution and worship our Founding Fathers as men united in a single purpose, it’s fake news. The Constitution was created by a handful of delegates who compromised until they had a document the majority could endorse. It was not unanimous, however. |
Three Is Not a Lonely Number. It has Power!April 4, 2018 How can an omnipresent number be lonely? Far from being lonely, three is magical and mystical. From religion to commerce, there is no beating the Power of Three. | We’re Dealing with Many Storms. Stormy Daniels Shouldn't Be One of ThemMarch 29. 2018 Is anyone else tired of Stormy Daniels and her weaselly attorney? She may have a legal case. But let it play out in the court of law. It doesn’t belong in the court of public opinion because it has no bearing on public matters. |
Did You Laugh This Week?March 23, 2018 Do you want better health? Laugh. Do you want to defuse tension? Laugh. Do you want to be more successful? Laugh. Do you want more friends? Laugh. | Proofread and Edit Your Proofreading and Editing AdviceMarch 14, 2018 If you’re going to publish a blog with a section on proofreading and editing your work, you might wish to proofread it and edit it first. Here’s a few paragraphs from a recent online blog: |
I Went for Coffee and an Oxford Comma Fell OutMarch 7, 2018 I spent an hour with several business people discussing the proper use of a semicolon and colon, what punctuation goes inside quotation marks and what punctuation goes outside, and what an ellipse is and how it’s used. Some were overwhelmed. All enjoyed it. | The Genesis of Noah’s Copyright LawFebruary 28, 2018 |
The Five Elements of a Successful Elevator SpeechFebruary 7, 2018 | Memo Release Portends Extreme Repercussions for Our RepublicFebruary 3, 2018 Congress is broken. I fear beyond repair. And it has extreme repercussions for—and possibly portends the end of—our republic. |
Inconsistency in Style and Facts Can Hurt Your BrandOctober 5, 2017 Every communication you post must be professional and be your best effort. Every time.
| Businesses are a Disaster’s First Responders and Backbone of RecoverySeptember 28, 2017 Up to 40% of businesses affected by a disaster never reopen, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. Which is disastrous not only for the business, but for the jurisdiction in which it resides. |
Animals Reveal to Maribeth Her Gift of Virtual Mind-Melding (Part 2)September 7, 2017 | Maribeth Finds Her Spirituality—and Her Gift (Part 1)August 31, 2017 Welcome to the life of Maribeth Decker, intuitive animal communicator. Maribeth owns and operates SacredGrove.com, “where people and pets heal and connect.” She connects “telepathically with animals to allow people to have a two-way conversation with them.” This allows animal and human to solve issues between them, such as anxiety or aggression issues. But Maribeth is not a pet trainer or behaviorist. She simply allows humans and animals to communicate. |
Build Your Credibility with StyleAugust 17, 2017 I recently read a press release from a healthcare organization that spelled “healthcare” as a noun, but also spelled it “health care” and “health-care.” All may be acceptable spellings, but to spell it three ways in a 500-word release is distracting, to say the least, and credibility-damaging, to say the most. | Give Your Brain & Heart a Boost on World Chocolate DayJuly 7, 2017 Today is World Chocolate Day. Chocolate is good for the heart and brain, studies show, so if you have been avoiding it to slim down you just may have a stupid heart attack. |
Learning Enough about Graphic Design to be DangerousJune 30, 2017 There’s a psychology behind graphic design, graphic designer Lauma Wingrove said. Color. Placement. Font choices. Shapes. White space. Photos. They all tell the viewer something on a subconscious level and can make or break your message. | Move Your Story File Out of Your HeadJune 23, 2017 After attending two storytelling workshops in recent weeks, I have started a written story file. Retrieving stories from a brain that can’t remember why it directed me to walk into a room is iffy at best. I’ll probably miss the best one to illustrate the point I want to make. Having them stored in written form makes it more likely to hit on the right one. |
History of the United States Flows through Fairfax County, VirginiaJune 2, 2017 The history of the United States flows through Fairfax County, Virginia. Two of our Founding Fathers called the county home, George Washington and George Mason. Washington and Mason were the brains behind the Fairfax Resolves, the first document to outline the colonies’ grievances against England. | Networking Farmers Build Healthy BusinessesMay 25, 2017 Networking is critical to the success of every entrepreneur. Some hunt, others farm, with the farmers more often than not finding long-term success. |
It Gets Curiouser and CuriouserMay 11, 2017 And the president wonders why the latest Quinnipiac University poll, taken before the latest misstep, shows his disapproval rating at 58%, with 51% strongly disapproving and 56% saying he lacks good leadership skills. | Hug a Nurse to Celebrate Florence Nightingale’s BirthdayMay 4, 2017 Perhaps it does prove our exceptionalism, because the Yankees recognized National Nurses Week first. |
I Have Come to Praise Dane, Not to Bury HimApril 27, 2017 | Market to Your Imaginary FriendApril 20, 2017 Editor's note: This was first posted on July 7, 2016. It's being republished today in honor of Get to Know Your Customers Day, which is observed annually on the third Thursday of each quarter. It's a day to reach out to your patrons and get to know them better. |
The Bonus Benefits of Scheduling Social Media PostsApril 13, 2017 Is continuing education in your field is crucial to your continued growth? Do you want to be recognized as an authority in your field? Is it worth it to you to invest a couple of hours a week doing both simultaneously? | Words MatterApril 6, 2017 Words do matter. Otherwise, why does a speaker speak? Should we all stand on stage and mime our speeches? Am I the only one who finds mimes annoying? |
Yes, You Can be a Better Writer and SpeakerMarch 31, 2017 Learning the craft—the workmanship—of communication only takes willingness and commitment. Art—the creativity—comes when you begin to play with the skills you have learned. | Imagine if You Had the Secret List of Proven Free Words that SellMarch 3, 2017 If you ask 10 marketers to list their top 10 magic words you’ll receive 10 different lists. But, while every marketer’s list is different, some words show up regularly because they are truly magic. |
Writing a Speech Using the Grocery List MethodJanuary 19, 2017 Let’s compare the process of preparing a grocery list and writing a speech. | Remembering Our First President’s Warning on PartiesJanuary 13, 2017 As we prepare for the peaceful transition of government in a nation divided by party, creed, economics, geography, religion, and race, it is perhaps instructive to remember this portion of George Washington’s Farewell Address: |
3 Tips for Conducting an Interview for PublicationJanuary 5, 2017 While the technology since then has made it easier in some respects to prepare and conduct an interview, the basic skills have remained the same. | Still, and Always, an Apprentice at My CraftDecember 15, 2016 |
I Sprinkled Salt and Pepper on My Words and Ate ThemNovember 11, 2016 Trump broke all the rules of modern-day politics and won. Why? Was Clinton that weak of a candidate? Is the electorate so undisciplined that Trump’s Wild West campaigning from an Ivory Trump Tower appealed to them? Was his seemingly undisciplined campaign weirdly disciplined? | Snarky New Yorkers Tell Cubs Fans, “You’re Welcome”October 25, 2016 During the course of the 2015 season, Jim and I had assigned the Chicago Cubs to my son-in-law, Tony. We did it as a joke. Tony had never followed sports before. It seemed natural to assign him the Cubs, a perennially hopeless team. |
Undisciplined Trump Hands Election to Distrusted and Disliked ClintonOctober 20, 2016 The majority of the American people do not like Hillary Clinton and do not trust her. But she will win over Donald Trump, and win handily, because hers is the more disciplined campaign. | Vote for the We Party!September 29, 2016 |
Be Stylin’ and Communicate ConsistentlySeptember 9, 2016 I love the English language. It’s got rules, man! It also has so many exceptions to the rules to make the rules virtually useless. | A Burning Desire to be ChosenFirst published June 29, 2011 The difference between batter’s eye and batter’s eye is that in baseball the eye is blue and in cooking it’s yellow, the color of the sun that makes the baseball player squint. Which brings us to sunspots, the chosen, and the true timeline for the end of the world. |
Licensed to SemicolonAugust 4, 2016 | To Compete with Cats, Become an AuthorJuly 21, 2016 Only .0004% of Americans are authors. Publishing a book puts you in very, very exclusive territory. It makes you stand out among the cat videos. |
I Fear for My Country. This is My Now.July 15, 2016 I fear for my country. | Market to Your Imaginary FriendJuly 7, 2016 It doesn’t matter if you’re selling shoes, decks, or graphic design, you must start with knowing your audience’s wants and needs before you can create the message that brings you business. Your imaginary friend is that one person whose wants and needs you know so well you can discuss it with them. Who you can bounce ideas off of to see if they like it or not. Like you did as a child, but this time with a structured purpose. That purpose is to focus your message. |
Same Old Tom Meets Tom the AuthorMay 1, 2016 I’ve found that much of the world runs in Erin’s circles, not mine. They’ve never met an author before. To many people, I’m unique to their circle. | I Want Your E-Book! How?April 8, 2016 When I published my new e-book on Tuesday, I did not anticipate the number of unforeseen questions and problems that would arise. |
Begin with a BangMarch 31, 2016 (Editor's note: This is excerpted from Tom Pfeifer’s book, Write It, Speak It, available on Amazon.com on April 5, 2016.) In 2015, the attention span of humans fell to eight seconds, according to the Statistic Brain Research Institute. It’s not much time. You don’t want to waste it. Once you lose your audience it’s very difficult to get them back. So you need to begin with a bang and grab their attention right away. | Storytelling Makes Your Speeches MemorableFebruary 18, 2016 (Editor's note: This is excerpted from Tom Pfeifer's upcoming book, Write It, Speak It.) Think about all the family stories you’ve heard that have been passed down from generation to generation. We relate to stories—and the storyteller—and are much more likely to remember what he or she said, as well as comprehend it. |
Commas Rule When Comma Rules Are FollowedFebruary 12, 2016 Comma rules are pretty straightforward, although there’s disagreement on just how many rules there are. Jane Straus, who literally wrote a book on punctuation, lists 16 rules with several sub-rules. Purdue University lists a mere 11. Utah Valley University rounds it down to 10. I am not going to recite a comprehensive list. But here are a few I see violated often. | First Rule of Good Writing: It’s Not about YouFebruary 4, 2016 |
TBT: It’s the sauce that makes the message tasty(Editor's note: This was first published on Jan. 1, 2013.) Not incorporating the communications team in a communications plan is a recipe for failure. Communicators take the complex, simplify it accurately, and disseminate it with the greatest chance of positive impact. | Complete Your Goals by Jan. 1 and Your Resolutions Are CompleteDecember 31, 2015 The blogosphere is inundated right now with “How to Keep Your Resolutions” tutorials and “10 Easy Goal-setting Tips,” so I won’t bore you with yet another. Instead, let’s celebrate Jan. 1 as the day of firsts. |
Solution elusive for tax small businesses love to hateDecember 11, 2015
occupational license tax). Everyone agreesit needs to be eliminated or modified. Getting there, however, has proven elusive. | Lessons Learned from LosingNovember 19, 2015 I competed in the Toastmasters International District 27 Humorous Speech Contest finals last week. The audience loved my speech. The judges didn’t. |
’Tis the Season to Draw Oxford Commas on Starbucks CupsNovember 13, 2015 I was going to write about Starbucks cups this week, but it’s not controversial enough. Instead, I bring you another rant on the Oxford comma. | A 6,000-mile First Step to Saving Veterans from SuicideNovember 6, 2015 |